My relationship with Jesus

I've been wanting to share about the story of my relationship with Jesus on this blog all week, but just haven't been sure how to go about doing it. I don't want it to sound cheesy or preachy... just honest. And I hope that some one may come to have a relationship with Jesus, because of His conviction, through my words. (Certainly not due to my words as I can't convict anyone of their need for Him.) So here goes...

I was raised in a conservative, Christian home and brought to church all my life. I was probably 6 or 7 the first time I remember hearing that I needed to "ask Jesus in my heart" to "be saved." My Sunday School teacher presented the message, and though I remember her being intimidating, and I remember her wearing Princess Leia braids (hey, it was the mid 80s!), I am thankful for her faithfulness in teaching that class of young-sters. That night, I prayed that Jesus would forgive me of my sins and "come into my heart." I didn't have a good understanding of what I was doing, but I believe I was sincere. I became baptized at 9 years old through my own decision.

Through my teen years, I struggled with a lot of doubts about whether I was going to heaven. I would struggle and agonize, and then pray the prayer of salvation all over again, to "make sure." I was young and still didn't truly understand what it meant to be a Christian. How did I know if this prayer "took"?  These doubts followed me into college... and that's where I truly fell in love with Jesus for the first time.

It was my junior year, second semester. I still remember the night, the service, so clearly. The campus church I attended was having it's semester-ly "revival services." Sounds silly, but Jesus met me there that night. I don't remember what was being preached on. But there was a voice in my head that instructed me to start really, I don't know, LISTENING to Jesus. Focusing on Him. Not just reading the Bible, but concentrating on it to find out what He wanted to say to me. And that semester, I fell in love with Him. This kind of love is not weird or cultish... it is true Christianity. So much more than religion, so much more than a set of rules; it is a relationship with the Creator of the universe. For the first time, I understand what it meant that Jesus died for ME. I understand how dark and horrible my sins were and how much I needed a Savior to take my sins away. I understood that Christianity was not just a prayer ("please, Lord, forgive my sins and come into my heart... amen"). It was a decision on my behalf to believe that I was saved by Jesus' blood, not by any works that I could preform. Through Jesus' grace, through His death. He didn't have to die! He chose to die because He loved me. And then 3 days later, He rose again, conquering sin and death for ME!

I also learned something else that semester. Even though I was "saved" (from hell) through grace alone (not due to any good actions on my part), true salvation IS followed by life-change. When I chose to accept Jesus as my Savior (from sin and death and hell), I exchanged my sin, my flesh, and my desires for His will. And, though I'm far from perfect, (as I'm sure Matt and everyone close to me could tell you), I know that I live more according to His will today than I did. Salvation is immediate but life-change is a process. I fail. But I have a loving Savior that always forgives, always picks me up, always loves. Thank you, Jesus.

http://vimeo.com/25012543

I hope that link works. If anyone reading this would like to know more about what I said, please listen to this sermon that my pastor preached on Sunday.

The definition of true love

I don't know why I was thinking about this in bed last night. I have always heard the saying, "True love is not a feeling; it's a decision." I would have said that I believed this statement before getting married. But I did not fully comprehend it's meaning until after marriage. Dating is such a highly emotional time of life. During that time, I woke up thinking of Matt, and I went to bed analyzing everything he said that day. I wanted to do things to make him happy all the time. I thought about him at work. I talked about him to everyone that would listen. Over dinner, (at some expensive restaurant), Matt told me how beautiful I was and how blessed he was to have found me. Now, over dinner (at our dining room table), our conversations sound like this: "No, no Brooke! We don't throw our peas off our tray," and "So do you want dish duty or Brooke duty after dinner?"  Now, after 2 1/2 years of marriage, I don't feel those giddy, "warm fuzzies" every time he looks at me. Sure, I'm still very attracted to him. But it's a settled feeling now. I'm confident in our commitment. Sometimes, he drives me crazy by saying insensitive GUY remarks.  Sometimes I wake up in the morning irritated at him for no reason (blame it on those dang pregnancy hormones). Always, I am thankful for him and secure in his love for me and his commitment to this family.  So now I would say, true love is not a feeling but it is still more than a decision; it is a COMMITMENT. I am committed to him until "death do us part" and I know he is committed the same to me. Even when I'm upset or irritated, I am still committed. And this, I believe, is love. Not the infatuation "high" known as dating. It was a great time in life but I wouldn't trade our relationship now for anything. So, in the Schrand family, here are some examples of "true love":

-True love is Matt working his rear end off at his job so that I can stay home with Brooke.
-True love is me being willing to (almost) always get up with Brooke early in the morning because Matt is a "night owl," and rarely goes to bed before midnight.
-True love is Matt being willing to watch Brooke every week while I have "girl time" even if he has a ton of paperwork.
-True love is my attempting to keep the house clean, so it looks good when Matt gets home (he hates a messy house)
-True love is Matt massaging my ugly, swollen, 3rd- trimester- pregnant feet because they hurt so bad I can hardly walk.
-True love is me being willing to not have pets because Matt is not a pet person.
-True love is Matt walking around walmart with me every Sunday night so I don't have to take Brooke grocery shopping by myself.

Many more examples I could list, but Brooke is awake and I must get dinner started. Feel free to add examples of love from your relationship in the comments. :)

I really do love my life. I couldn't ask for a better husband than Matt. And Brooke has been so good recently... I'm one proud momma. Today, I laid her down for her nap, and I guess she wasn't quite ready to sleep. But instead of fussing, she played in her crib... for 45 minutes! Never a fuss; then silence. She's been sleeping now for over an hour. At night sometimes, she wakes up, plays for a few minutes, and then falls back asleep. Okay, I know some moms accomplish this by the time their babies are 6 months old. But Brooke was such a difficult baby that these little blessings are a big deal to me! And really, say what you want about being a SAH mom, but I find the job so rewarding. There's nothing more satisfying then being able to fully support my husband and raise my daughter. Sure sometimes it's boring (singing "This Old Man" 100 times in one day!) But it's so good to know that I get to invest so much time in my family. I get to cook homemade, healthy dinners for them and not have to rely on Stouffers. I get to see Brooke take her first steps (which should be coming any day now!) and I get to take Matt's car in for an oil change to make his life a little easier (okay, I complained about this one a bit, but, really, I'm happy to do it to make his crazy-busy life a little less stressful).  I admit, I'm still so self-centered. I don't spend enough time in prayer during the day, and I many times allow my thoughts to center around what would make ME happy. But there's nothing like being a SAH mom to learn how to become humble! I do miss nursing sometimes. I miss the adrenaline rush of critical care. I miss the companionship of other mature adults during the day (although it would be hard to classify many of my patients and even some of my coworkers as "mature." :) )  And someday I hope to go back to nursing part time. But I'm so happy with the opportunity God has given me to serve Him by serving my family at this stage of my life.

That was random... I had no plan to say any of that! I guess I truly use this blog to type whatever thoughts are rambling around my head! :)

I do not have a green thumb. I have a "killer plant" thumb. I could kill a fake plant. I think I have. There's an artificial flower arrangement in our master bath that's looking a little sad (the flowers keep falling off.. don't ask me why!) But I'm going to attempt to plant flowers in our front yard. Yes, real flowers. During the first hour of Brooke's nap, I pulled weeds out of the currently almost-empty plant bed in our yard. And either this afternoon or tomorrow morning, I'm going to buy myself some marigolds to plant (because my dad assures me that they are a low-maintenance summer flower). I was going to buy some new plants for the plant bed this year (as I've killed almost all the ones in there), but it's getting too late in the year, and I'm getting too pregnant to mess with that. So maybe I can build my confidence with some "simple" flowers this year (they couldn't be too expensive, right?) and next year I'll invest in some bigger plants. I guess keeping a yard, like everything else, takes practice. I REALLY want a pretty yard... I just don't know how to go about getting one. Okay, I get that I need to WATER the plants. I learned that lesson last year. (In my defense, I was so overwhelmed with being a new mother, that a couple of wilty plants was the least of my concerns!) But now it's time to LEARN how to make the outside of my house look nice. For my own personal satisfaction. And so my neighbors quit glaring at me when they drive by. (Incidentally, Matt could care less. He wants to tear out ALL the plants and put in a rock garden. Spoil sport!)

Well, sounds like my little one is awake, so I think I shall head to walmart and check out the supply of marigolds. Wish me luck!

P.S. Let me add (after reading this over a couple times) that I understand everyone has a different calling in life and I don't want to imply that being a SAH mom is best for every woman. God has unique roles for every one of His children. I was just rambling on about how glad I am that He's called me to the role that I am living right now! :)